Why Your Dialogue Sounds Unnatural—and How Intentions Help

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Briefing

“As you know, Mara, we promised our father we'd keep this shop open.”

“Yes, Eli, and the rent is due tomorrow.”

They both know this already. Why are they saying it?

This invented exchange gives the reader information, but gives the characters very little to do. Let's revise it by deciding what each person wants from the other.

Editor Adina Edelman's Reedsy dialogue workshop offers a useful starting question: what does each character want in this scene? She also connects dialogue with revealing character and moving a story forward.

We'll apply that guidance to our own scene rather than borrowing her examples. Eli and Mara are siblings in a fictional shop. The rent is due tomorrow. Eli wants Mara to help keep the shop open. Mara wants Eli to stop making promises they cannot fund.

Those intentions point in different directions. Eli needs commitment; Mara needs an honest decision. Keep that conflict visible as we rewrite.

Eli says, “Don't turn off the sign.”

Mara says, “The rent's due tomorrow.”

Eli says, “We said we'd keep it open.”

Mara says, “Then tell me what we're paying it with.”

The information hasn't vanished. The rent is still due, and the promise still matters. But now each line tries to change what the other person will do.

Let's look closely. “Don't turn off the sign” makes Eli's immediate goal physical: he wants the shop to remain open. The sign gives us something we can see instead of an abstract discussion about loyalty.

Mara's reply does not directly answer his request. She brings him back to the deadline. In this version, avoiding his question is part of her response, not missing information in the script.

When Eli says, “We said we'd keep it open,” he uses their shared promise to press for commitment. He doesn't need to explain their entire family history to his sister.

“Tell me what we're paying it with” asks for a concrete answer. Mara changes the conversation from whether they care to whether they have a workable choice.

Now add one action: Mara holds the sign's switch without pressing it.

That pause leaves the decision unsettled. We don't need to add, “Mara felt conflicted about the future of the shop.” Her action can carry some of that pressure.

This revision is one possible scene, not the universally correct wording. Another story might need warmth, comedy, formal speech, or a direct explanation. The point is to know why a character speaks, including when they are avoiding something.

Here is a practical revision pass. Beside each speaker's name, write an immediate intention: persuade, refuse, reassure, conceal, or understand. Then read each line and ask what it changes between them.

If a line only repeats shared information for the audience, consider moving that information into an action, a detail, or a disagreement. Read the revised exchange aloud to check its rhythm. Don't remove context the reader genuinely needs just to make every line shorter.

Natural dialogue is not simply fewer words. In this scene, it becomes clearer when the words belong to people trying to get something from each other.

A related briefing can show how two characters' different sentence rhythms change the same conversation.